He has made all things beautiful...

"He has made all things beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity into the hearts of men, yet they cannot understand what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

It's amazing to me that when I can actually step back and look at the year of 2009, I can see this verse playing out in so many different aspects of my life...

- Downs Fellowship - the journey from not having a project or an advisor to getting an amazing advisor, but not having an overseas site, to getting a site and a topic and the fellowship - followed by the craziness this fall of finding out at the last minute that I needed ethics certification from the Kenya government - and now the amazing reality that I'm leaving for Kenya in less than 2 months

- Didactic year - the stress and pace eventually paid off, not only in terms of being able to go on to clinical rotations, but also in the fact that I now have a learning style and strategy that I can use forever

- Family and Friends Suddenly Appearing in CT when they were the most needed - the continued strength from Liz and Chris, Andrew and Sarah miraculously living in Norwich for 3 months, Dad getting stuck in NYC for 2 days as he was flying to Ghana, a visit from Ted and Chelsey

And those are just a couple examples... and truthfully, those are the things that I need to remind myself of when I feel overwhelmed or when I long for things whose time has not yet come.

The other thing I noticed about the verse from Ecclesiastes today is the verb tense (nerdy, yes I know). But seriously, a very very cool thing. He HAS MADE all things beautiful... the action is already completed. In my journey and my struggle - I'm not waiting for things to be made beautiful... they already are. I just cannot understand what God has done, from beginning to end (and I have to contend with sin clouding my vision...) So my prayer is that I can wait patiently as I learn to understand and wait anxiously to see the beauty that God made. A dimension of that beauty comes from the journey of waiting...

Sad, but true...

I forgot to bring notebook paper (or any other kind of paper) to the coffee shop where I'm studying tonight... reducing me to taking notes on napkins. Lots and lots of napkins.

Journeys end...

It seems that the closer that I get to the end of the didactic year of the Yale Physician Associate program, the more that my mind wanders and begins to fixate on anything but school. The thing that has captured my mind the past couple of weeks has been Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, which just wrapped up its run at Shakespeare in the Park in NYC. I had the joy of seeing it twice... once with Elizabeth & Chris & Megan R. and once last week Sunday with Courtney. Each time, I just left filled with joy and a smile on my face...
Thus, I made the somewhat insane decision to attempt to get tickets one last time during it's closing weekend. After a wonderful evening w/ my friend Megan D. at the Yale Club (who would have ever thought I would get to have an evening at the Yale club in NYC? Wine, cheese and the view from the 22nd floor roof terrace!) and 4 hours of sleep, I got into a cab and traveled to 81st St and Central Park West to join the line for tickets... WHICH WAS ALREADY 7 BLOCKS LONG (yes, at 2:55 am...). I was number 418... but I was hopeful. After getting situated, I pulled out my laptop and popped in "The Holiday" which fittingly begins with a quote from Twelfth Night.

"Journeys end in lovers meeting"

And in one brief moment... I had the most amazing glimpse. Journeys end in lovers meeting. Which is what will happen when my journey ends...

" Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears... Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:8-10, 12

My mind cannot even wrap around seeing the face of the Lord fully... the joy and beauty and perfection of that day. The end of one journey and yet... the most amazing completion and continuation of my eternal story... so full of joy.

So at 3am... at 88th and Central Park West... wrapped in a blanket.. I started crying.
The ticket story ends at 1:25 pm - no tickets for Liz & me. But I had a wonderful time with Liz this weekend... walking around the upper west side. Dinner. Watching a movie. Sleeping lots. Church. What a blessing to have family so close. But that's the subject of another post.

To wrap up this post, I'm putting in a couple of pictures (which I most certainly DID NOT TAKE) from they play... At the very end there was a song which then transitioned into a group dance number... At one point Raul Esparza (Duke Orsino) lifted Anne Hathaway (Viola) and spun her around... that moment captured a glimpse of joy.
Somehow... I feel like this is what it will be like... to dance and spin... to know and be known fully.

The Hand of God

This weekend, I had the chance to escape to NYC and spend some time with my beautiful cousin and her husband. We had been planning this weekend for a while (I think we first talked about it in early May), and the entire weekend was supposed to revolve around Shakespeare in the Park. Liz and I were planning to head to the Delacorte Theater (an open air theater in central park) and wait in line for our FREE tickets. (supposedly half of the experience is waiting in line for tickets... we were planning on being there from 9am until they started handing out the tickets at 1pm). However while eating dinner we saw the weather report for the next day... where the flooding warnings started around 2pm and thunderstorms were supposed to go through the night. Thus we scrapped the ticket plans. We headed into the city the next afternoon, with plans to go to the Met and play the rest of the day by ear. But while we were on the train, we decided just to swing by the box office and see if we couldn't pick up tickets... thus, we arrived at 1:37, walked right up to the window and got our 4 seats. We were excited to get the seats, and started praying for the rain to stop. To get out of the rain, we cut across the park and headed into the Met (yay for "recommended" ticket prices). At the Met they have a fairly large collection of sculptures by Auguste Rodin... this one really spoke to me... it's called the hand of God. I love this image of the hand coming out of the rock and just holding these two people. I think I probably looked at it for close to 10 minutes.
And that evening, the show did go on. In Central Park, with the New York skyline in the background, we watched "The Twelfth Night or What You Will" starring Anne Hathaway, Raul Esparza, Audra McDonald, and Stark Sands just to name a few. It was amazing. Easily one of the top 3 shows that I've ever seen. The acting was suburb. Their comedic timing was perfect, getting the most our of every line (with every joke that Shakespeare wrote in). The director got a band called Hem to write a score for the show and set the songs to music, and the band (2 guitars, a fiddle, a mandolin, a wooden flute and two drums with the occasional bag pipe) opened and closed the show. They were incredible. One of the songs, 'Come Away Death' left me in tears with its beauty (Raul Esparza and Anne Hathaway's harmonies helped with that). A recording of the music is coming out in the summer... I'm already saving up. There was one rain delay in the middle of the second half. But we just put up our umbrellas and waited it out. I feel like my words can't do this show justice... it was a joy to watch... and I'm trying to figure out how to go back and see it again :-)
Even more than that, it was wonderful to spend time with Liz and Chris... away from New Haven and the stress here. Only 9 more weeks until I'm officially done with the didactic year of the Yale Physician Associate program.

To be held...

I should be studying. Ear/Nose/Throat test this week, and I should be studying. Instead, after coming home from church I watched the new BBC version of Sense & Sensibility. It was beautiful. And thus, I find myself sitting here and longing for something that is not yet mine. I told myself that I wasn't going to let Valentine's Day bother me this year. And it didn't. Until I had to drive around for 30 minutes last night trying to find a parking spot at my friend's apartment because the entire populous of New Haven went out to dinner last night. Even then I was just more frustrated with the situation (or non-parking situation) as the case may be. But after watching Sense and Sensibility... I find myself longing... longing to be cherished and loved and pursued and treasured. To have someone just to talk with or sit with. To do life with. To grow closer to Christ together. I look at where I'm at in my life, and rationally I know that it's just not time yet. I keep clinging to the promise that ALL things are made beautiful in HIS time. This afternoon though... I just yearn to be held.

Book it!

When I was in elementary school, there was this amazing program called "Book It!" that was sponsored by Pizza Hut. The program was as follows:
1. Read a certain number of books per month.
2. Get your teacher to sign this little piece of paper saying that you had read X books.
3. Call Pizza Hut and order a FREE personal pan pizza of your choice.
4. Pick up the pizza from said Pizza Hut, get a star to put on your "Book It!" button.
5. Eat pizza!

This whole scheme was a great thing for me... read books (something that I enjoyed doing), get pizza (a wonderful thing)

I think that the idea of this program was to get kids to love reading (or just straight bribery).

This raises my question today:
Why isn't there a "Book It!" type program for graduate students?
As interesting as the book is, I cold definitely use a little motivation as I tear through "Basic Ophthalmology"

Back to the studying.

A descriptive study looking at the sleep patterns of graduate student at Yale University writing their first research proposal

There are certain points in my life where I can look back and say, "That is amazing, I can see God leading me to this point!"  In the past week, I once agin have been blessed to see the leading.  To make a long story really really short (which is kinda hard for me):

Yale offers an international summer research fellowship for graduate level health students (medicine, nursing, public health, PA).  It's a pretty sweet deal.  Design the research project of your choice, and the school pays for it: travel, living, research expenses (yay for a $17 billion endowment even in the recession!)  I found out about it this fall and immediately knew that I wanted to apply.  That's the whole trick for this process...  designing the research project and applying.  Oh, and finding an advisor at Yale and a sponsor overseas.  Since this is supposed to be short, we'll just say that I had hit a brick wall... went home for Christmas with no project, no advisor, no site.  

This is where it becomes amazing.  While I was home over break I heard a missionary from Kenya speak at my uncle's church...which planted the seeds for a research project (which remarkably hasn't changed since that Sunday) and a site (Kenya).  When I got back, I started just blanket emailing faculty, figuring that the worst they could do is say no.  Two weeks ago (how in the world did this happen so fast?) I heard back from my now advisor, Dr. S, a phenomenal researcher and infectious disease MD.  I still didn't have a site (I had hoped to hear from the missionary... but I never heard and the more I researched that site the more I realized it wouldn't work for a number of reasons).  A week ago Tuesday, I met with Dr. S.  Saturday I got this amazing email from her describing this site in a town called Maseno in Western Kenya that WANTED me!!!  Then the adventure began of writing my first ever research proposal...countless journal articles and emails later  I have submitted my first draft to the selection committee.  And remarkably I'm fairly proud of it.  (the best sections are definitely the result of the edits of Dr. S and R, a member of the PA faculty) 

As if that weren't enough: the site.  The Comprehensive Care Center at Maseno Hospital in Maseno, Kenya.  An Anglican mission.  My sponsor is a retired doctor from UC-San Diego.  His wife now runs the theological school attached to the hospital. And that's not even beginning to talk about the people I will work with through the hospital. I feel God moving in that place.

I still have ALOT more editing to do...more articles to read...more data to find...a final draft to submit...a presentation to make..and a  selection committee to win over... but I'm trusting that God will put me where he wants me.  I'll rest in that.

It is late here.  And I'm starting to feel sleepy.  When I started the post, I wasn't at all (I even started laundry downstairs...)  I think my body had just been getting used to staying up pretty late while I pounded out the proposal this week.  Thus the title...  

The title is also an homage to the crazy long titles of journal articles... Example:

 "A Randomized Controlled Trial of a Peer Support Intervention Targeting Antiretroviral Medication Adherence and Depressive Symptomatology in HIV-Positive Men and Women"

Makes me think of Steven Colbert.  Last night, he had the Yale poet who spoke at the inauguration... he challenged her to a shortest poem contest.  

Colbert's poem:  

Hickory, dickory dock

We elected a man named Barack

Short and sweet.  If journal article titles were like that, they'd read:

Roses are red, violets are blue

I took my meds today, did you?